Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Understanding my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Today is a difficult day. I feel stressed and anxious for no particular reason, and I find that harder to deal with than when I have a specific trigger. Specific triggers allow me to understand what is going on, and I can easily relate them to my initial trauma. Today's anxiety, however, has no root cause; I simply feel a bit lost and overwhelmed.

This has made me reflect on the actual name of my disorder: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Today, I have made sense of this name. I am reacting after a trauma- therefore, 'Post Traumatic'; my reaction is stress-related- therefore, 'Stress'; and my reaction is caused as much by a chemical imbalance in my brain as it is by external experiences- therefore, 'Disorder'.

It is this final section that is most important- what I am going through is not necessarily rational, and I won't necessarily be able to control it. It is a disorder. As someone who is used to being able to control everything, I need to fight the urge to try to 'fix' what I am feeling and simply go with the flow. With the help of my counsellor, my partner, and my medication, my trauma will resolve itself- but sometimes I will have to simply live through difficult days without having the power to change them.

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